The ultimate way to declutter your life…

I love to get rid of junk and clutter.

I love the feeling of cleaning out a closet and saying goodbye to the things I didn’t even know I had, or cleaning out my pantry and then discovering, “Oh hey, I didn’t need the two-pack of ranch dressing from Costco because Oh look, there’s two more up there on the top shelf!”

Another way that I love to declutter my life might surprise you because it doesn’t involve any cleaning supplies or a trip to the thrift store.

I want you to picture a giant book shelf. Let’s say it’s in my basement and it’s full from top to bottom with the biggest thickest manuals.

These manuals seem so necessary and impossible to part with.

I have quite the collection too… one for each person in my life.

I have written in them my rules, my expectations, my desires, my hopes, my frustrations and all my contentions.

These manuals dictate how I will show up and behave in just about every circumstance because my brain is really good at being prepared with all the possible scenarios.

These manuals are the instructions I have for others to follow. If followed I get to feel good and be happy.

If not followed, I go to the shelf and find the manual I have there for myself.

This one is very well used and even larger than the rest. This manual tells me how I will react when someone doesn’t follow my manual.

My giant shelves full of manuals take up so much space, they are dusty and dirty, and let’s get real here….. when used they rarely ever “Spark Joy” for me.

For sure there are sparks involved, but certainly not the good kind!!

My first step in decluttering my basement full of manuals is just to notice that they are actually there.

I take some time and dust them off. I read some of the pages and decide if I like the stories that are written in them.

Being the author means that If I don’t like the way my stories turn out, I have the choice to rewrite them and change the endings next time.

Take some time to evaluate your shelf of manuals and the many pages within.

Pick just one, dust it off and evaluate.

  • Friends should pay attention to my likes and dislikes
  • Husband must say he loves me everyday
  • Children should do what I ask the first time every-time
  • Good friends call each other back or return texts right away

Evaluating your manuals and then deleting the parts that aren’t working in your favor is a crazy amazing way to declutter your brain, your relationships and ultimately your entire life!

Why do you feel stuck?? It should come as no surprise too you…

 I have noticed a common denominator with stagnation and lack of growth in women.

It should come as no surprise to you that when we feel stuck it’s because we believe that we are not worthy in some form or another.

Have you noticed it?

I would wager that if you fall into the Mom category or Woman category for that matter you have felt stuck at some point because of a story you have believed about yourself and your worthiness. 

Your beliefs are most likely as sneaky as my kids getting up way too early in the morning to play video games undetected.

The idea that we are not worthy can poke it’s head out in such a wide array of circumstances and when it does, it leaves us feeling stuck, overwhelmed, and trapped.

Whatever your individual circumstances are right now, what beliefs about yourself do you hear echoing in your brain??

Perhaps one of the following sounds familiar to you:

  • I’m not worthy of love?
  • I don’t deserve to be happy
  • I’ve got so much to be grateful for, therefore I should be happier.
  • I’ve made poor choices
  • I’ve hurt people
  • I’m too far from perfect
  • I’ll never be where I want to be
  • Success is not something I can achieve
  • Change is easy for them but way too hard for me…

I don’t know about you but just reading this list makes me feel discouraged.

If you don’t already know this, I need to let you in on a little secret.

 YOU are 100% worthy and lovable just as you are right now, today. 

There is nothing that you can do or not do that will change that.

We are all equal and come to this earth with infinite worth and opportunity. 

Worthiness and lovability is NEVER the problem, our beliefs about worthiness and self are what keep us stuck.

Negative always creates more negative.

Pay attention to those echoing’s that hit close to home for you.

The amazing news is that each one of these is completely optional.

At any time you can decide:

  • I am worthy of love
  • I do deserve happy
  • I shouldn’t “SHOULD” myself!
  • I make poor choices sometimes because I’m human
  • Yes, I’ve hurt people but no it was not needless, I have grown so much from those hard experiences.
  • I am perfect in my imperfection
  • I am on my way to where I want to be
  • Only I stand in the way of my dreams
  • Change is never easy. If it’s hard it means I am doing something right.

Whether you believe it or not YOU ARE WORTHY.

When you decide to believe it you will start to notice your world shifting in unimaginable ways.

I promise!

 

 

When the going gets tough…….

This week I have been faced with some hard things.

I have noticed myself wanting to take the easy way out and I have been well aware of the ways that I have tried to avoid and get out of facing them.

My 12 year old came to me yesterday a little bit upset. She had an assignment due for school. This was one of her last assignments for Grade 6. She was a little bit whiny and panicked.

In our conversation she used words like confused, I don’t know, I don’t get it, I can’t do it. 

I totally understood. This was exactly how I was feeling about my own hard things. 

I knew she could totally do her assignment. I knew that she was completely capable and that she would do amazing on it as soon as she decided she could.

The only thing getting in her way was that she was choosing to not know this. 

I could see this so clearly, she could not. 

In an uh-huh moment I realized that the confidence and certainty that I had in my daughter was exactly what I was lacking in myself.

Here’s what I realized:

I actually do know that I can totally do the hard things that I am faced with this week. 

I am completely capable and I will do an amazing job as soon as I decide I can. 

I have so much evidence to back this up when I decide to be willing to see it.

I can choose to keep avoiding it but I know that by doing this I will create more ‘hard’ for myself.

So, instead of avoiding them I am going to face them head on. 

It’s not going to look perfect.. and it’s going to be uncomfortable, but I can totally do hard things.

I want to be the kind of person that is strong enough to go right through the hard things and come out a better person on the other side because of them. 

I want to be living proof that “When the going gets tough, the tough get going.”

Connection

Our human brains are wired for connection. We need it, we seek it and we thrive from it.

I am reading a book right now called “Kids these days” by Jody Carrington. One of my biggest takeaways so far is the need children have for deep and meaningful connections with those that spend the most time with them. Caregivers, teachers, parents, and family.

It is through these connections that they learn the basic fundamental skills to love, share, show empathy, and regulate their emotions.

None of this was big news to me, but when I was reading the pages it felt like big NEW news because I realized that the way that we connect these days is so different than what it used to be.

The world is changing and the way we are connecting with each other is different, only we are still the same old humans with human brains seeking and missing the same old connection.

I have been reflecting on some of my own personal connections with my loved ones.

After the last few months of not being in as close a contact with people to the extent that I had been due to the pandemic, I noticed how much I was missing family gatherings and game nights and having company over for dinner.

I also noticed that sometimes the people I love the most and spend the most time with, are the ones that I so easily ignore connection with, am to busy to make connections with, or they are the ones that I take connection for granted with the most.

I have been trying to ask myself, “What is getting in the way of making a meaningful connection here?”

Here’s a few things I came up with……

Sometimes it’s an argument, maybe it’s that I want to be right, maybe it’s that I am tired and just want to be done for the day, maybe it’s negative thinking about someone or something someones says or does or maybe it’s that I’m just ‘too busy’ and don’t take the time for it.

Whatever the reason is, I want to be more aware of it. I want to make sure that I like my reason for saying no to connection because when I say no I am preventing myself from filling that inherent need that I have.

It’s so interesting to me how we do this.

We need connection and want it yet WE prevent ourselves from having it.

When we are aware, we can ask ourselves how to create more meaningful connections, and then go do it. When we do this we are helping to fill one of our basic human needs, and when those needs are met we are happier, healthier humans!!

Creating more connections could look like spending just a few more minutes listening, swallowing pride, staying up later than planned to talk something out, or making a phone call instead of sending a text.

This week I am challenging myself to be more intentional about my connections with others, especially those that I am in closest contact with daily.

I’m all in for being a happier healthier human.

Are you in?

Asking for help and WEAKNESS

For the first decade that I was a Mom I was in the habit of hiding the tough days. I didn’t lie about them I just omitted to share them. If I was asked how I was or how my day was going my response was always “Good”.

I shared my struggles with nobody but my husband. For me sharing a bad day at work, or letting a mom friend know that I was struggling with a child was like admitting defeat. I wasn’t about to broadcast my weaknesses.  Admitting them to someone else meant that I would have to admit them to myself and face the stories I was already believing about myself.

You know the stories…… they may vary for you but mine were that I was screwing up my kids and everyone else thought so to.  I was mediocre at my job, and everyone was talking about me and my mediocre skills behind my back.  I wasn’t going to be one of those Mom’s who asked for help because GOOD Mom’s don’t struggle and they certainly don’t ask for help. 

 I truly believed these stories.

One day when my anxiety was at it’s height and I was scared and unable to just avoid it anymore, my family Doctor gave me permission to be honest with myself and him. 

I was petrified to admit my defeat. I was not a perfect Mom and now my Doctor was going to know it.  When I was done talking, I looked up to meet his face.  He didn’t look back at me with judgy failure eyes like I had expected, he responded by saying  that I was not alone and that he recommended that I get some help.

What??!! People really ask for help for this kind of thing and it’s no big deal…….

This blew my mind. 

It opened a new window for me in my life.

My courage to speak up that day in the Doctors office completely changed the trajectory of my life. 

It allowed me to find the help that I needed.  It led me to  understand the WHY’s behind my overwhelm and anxiety and that has allowed me to have power over my emotions rather than being at the effect of them.

I no longer carry the stigmas I used to about mental health and seeking help. In their place is a strong desire to learn, grow and become a better version of myself.

 I now know that when we struggle and we go looking for help it isn’t weak at all, it is COURAGE.

If you are struggling and are hesitant to reach out for help I totally get you.

When you are ready, relief is one courageous step away. 

Learning, growing, and finding relief is not weak and you are NOT alone. 

Do you wish you could feel 50% less worry, guilt, and overwhelm?

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Trim the Fat

A few weeks ago, I was venting to my husband about all the things that I was feeling overwhelmed with that day.

He listened quietly, and then when I was finished spitting out my whirlwind of crazy, he rattled off the most amazing advice to me.

He said “Laura, Maybe it’s time you trimmed the fat.”

I’m not going to lie my first reaction was to look at myself in our giant bathroom mirror where we were and feel totally bothered by what he had said.

“Are you calling me fat?”

And of course this was not what he was saying.

What he was trying to tell me can be explained with these two questions:

  1. What are your top 3 priorities right now
  2. Is there anything that can be let go from your life

I thought about this and came up with a list of things that he could do for me that would make my life easier! He didn’t love this idea haha.

He gave me his list.

He thought I could question the time consuming meals I prepare followed by the hour long family sit down dinner we have almost every night.

He thought that we could be better at sharing the household responsibilities with the kids

He thought that I could re-evaluate some of my goals and even one of my hobbies to see where I could simplify.

I really appreciated his ideas.

This idea of trimming the fat and the two questions from above led me to re-evaluate some of the things in my life.

It also widened my perspective and opened my mind to allow me to make one small change that has made a really big impact on my life and my overwhelm.

I want to be clear that changing my circumstance was not what made the difference for me here. I know this because I could very well choose now to feel even more overwhelm about letting go of something in my life and make that mean that I am inadequate.

What made the difference was the change in my thinking about what is absolutely necessary for me right now and what is not.

End of story.

From there I made an intentional decision to trim a little piece of the fat.

In our home, weekends are now reserved for long sit down family dinners.

In what areas of your life could you open up your mind to change and trim some fat? 

Do you wish you could feel 50% less worry, guilt, and overwhelm?

I help working Mom’s cut their crazy in half.  

Click below NOW to book a call with me to learn more.

Self Reflection and lessons from my Grandma

Growing up I spent many many weekends sleeping over at my Grandma’s house.

I absolutely loved these sleepovers because they meant special time just for me, staying up late, playing games, and eating lots of junk with one of my favorite people.

My Grandma has been an amazing example to me in my life. One thing that she taught me from example is journaling. There was not a night I slept over that I didn’t see her writing in her journal before bed. Every night like clockwork there she would be in her nightgown writing in her journal before her late-night English shows came on. She NEVER missed a day.

When I was closer to adulthood I asked her why she was so diligent with her journaling. She told me that she thought that her family would enjoy reading the record of her life when she was gone but then admitted that she was now thinking that no one would want to be bothered reading the silly pages of her life.

Many years later I found out that she ended up getting rid of all her journals. Years and years of her story gone. Hours and hours of writing wasted.

I was shocked and disappointed. I would have loved reading about her life and discovering more about her thoughts and feelings from the past.

Lately, I’ve been thinking…… was all that journaling really a waste of time, paper and ink?

Here’s what I think.

Anytime we take out a pen and paper and write about our life we are actually reflecting. Reflection is so important because, without it, we don’t get to know ourselves as deeply as we could.

One of the benefits of knowing and understanding ourselves on a deeper level is learning why we hold ourselves back, what we fear, and the emotions behind everything we do or don’t do. Essentially all of our power to become who we want to be comes from recognizing who we are.

When we write, we are not only fostering this reflection but we also release the commotion from our brains. We give all that commotion a safe resting place where we can then look at it head-on rather than just spinning in it from the inside out.

One thing I love to teach my clients is the importance of self-reflection through writing. It doesn’t need to take an hour. In fact, 10-15 minutes a day is what I recommend.

I am not sure if my Grandma noticed any benefits in her life from doing her daily journaling. For her it may have just been a part of her routine that she never questioned, but I would like to think that she was better off because of doing it.

I know that on the days that I make the time for my own self-reflection I am more productive, confident and present in all areas of my life.

There are some of you out there reading this that fear writing because you fear the words that you will have to read back to yourself. I know this, because I’ve had clients who’ve been there. I know it even better because I have been there. I have days now where I’m there.

To you I want to say that the things we fear the most are also the same things that change our lives the most when we decide to face and conquer them.

I can appreciate that the older I get there is not much I can do to change the physical reflection I see when I look in the mirror, but by reflecting from the outside and looking in, I have the power to transform my life.

Do you wish you could feel 50% less worry, guilt, and overwhelm?

I help working Mom’s cut their crazy in half.  

Are you interested in learning more about a simple reflection ritual that can change your life in just 10 min a day?

This is just one of the many things you will learn in my 8 week Working Mom Mastermind

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You will FEEL 50% different in just 8 short weeks. 

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Being Busy

In today’s world, we have so many ways to keep ourselves ‘Busy’.

Busy seems productive, hard working and necessary.

Lately, I have been trying to catch myself when I use this term.

What is being ‘Busy’ anyways?

I find that often times when we use the term ‘busy’ it brings up negative limiting feelings.

It looks like:

I can’t go the the event because I am too busy

I am to busy to be more present for my family.

Balance sounds nice but I’m to busy for that.

I won’t be able to make it to that thing because our kids are so busy with their activities.

We’re too busy, I’m too busy.

We are believing that busy is a problem. We think that everything would be perfect if we weren’t so busy all the time. And then our list of responsibilities to blame for the busyness follows.

These beliefs about being busy create feelings of stress, guilt, and panic.

Do you know what follows that?

We get even busier. We get to work in our heads being busy worrying, second-guessing, resenting, and resisting reality.

Having more or less things to do isn’t what makes us feel more or less busy.

What we are thinking about our To-Do list, our workload, or our responsibilities is what creates that.

You get to choose what you will think about all of it.

You could decide instead that:

You actually could go to that event,  but instead you are choosing a different option today.

Being present is totally an option that is readily available to you at any time.

Balance does not come from being less busy.

You love being a family that chooses to spend time doing extracurricular activities.

Choose a belief about being ‘Busy’ that serves you.

Do you wish you could feel 50% less worry, guilt, or overwhelm?

I help working Mom’s cut their negative emotion in half.  

Join me for a 30 min FREE mini session to learn more about my 8-week Working Mommy Brain Boot-Camp. 

There will be absolutely NO burpees, sprints or sit-ups however you will FEEL 50% different in just 8 short weeks. 

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IMPACT vs Example

This week while talking to a Mom I know, anxiety came up. Her anxiety was specifically related to the world’s current situation right now.

This isn’t surprising, we are in the middle of a global pandemic. There is naturally some fear of the unknown for many of us.  

She shared that she had watched a CNN news clip earlier that morning and couldn’t shake the anxiety she was feeling for her young children who she felt would be directly impacted from this pandemic.

We are all being impacted right now in one way or another, but what will the impact be on the rising generation? All the kids who are home from school right now, missing field trips and special lunch and missing the daily interactions with their friends at recess.

What will the impact be on her small children in the years to come as they grow and become adults? What will they be faced with?

All of these questions were swirling in her brain, all of these thoughts creating an uneasiness, and a heightened sense of responsibility to be able to take care of her kids and protect them amid all of the things that are so out of her control.

If you are a Mom you can probably relate. We have a deep desire to protect and care for our kids. We want to see our kids happy and healthy and If they aren’t, we can step into worry or even guilt at lightning speed.

While I can’t magically see into the future and know what it holds for us or our kids, there is one thing that creates instant relief for me and helps me to keep a really clear perspective.

It’s the belief that anything that is happening in my life is happening FOR me.

Having to isolate from others is happening for me so that I can practice constraint.

Having my kid’s home 24/7 is happening for me so that I have more time with them while they are still young enough to want to be with me.

Having our family holiday cancelled is happening for me so that I can realize how much I took travelling, and seeing the world for granted.

There are equal opportunities for our kids to learn from the hard stuff they are facing now and will face in the future.

During the hard moments thinking about what we can learn is often the farthest thing from our minds.  It’s much easier to blame or complain

This is especially true for my kids…..Can I hear an amen!!

If you are feeling some anxiety or worry right now, remind yourself that you can lead the way.

You can show your kids how they can choose to think about their hard stuff by the way that you show up for yours.

This is one of the greatest incentives in looking for the reasons why your hard stuff is happening FOR YOU.

The more you practice looking for those reasons the easier it will be to recognize them.

Then more you recognize them, the more your attitude will shift in a positive way and the greater example you will be.

I help working Mom’s who are drowning in it all, stop missing out on the memories.

I will teach you how to keep wearing all of your hats and wear them with confidence.

Don’t miss another moment because you are stuck feeling guilt, anxiety and overwhelm.

Relief is possible.

Let’s talk about THE HOW on a FREE 30-minute consultation

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