Sisters &Why should I be nice?

Have you ever tried to be ‘Nice’ to someone, only to find yourself feeling rejected instead?

Something like this happened with my two oldest daughters this week. 

They are getting to the age where certain things are starting to really matter.

Life or death things like clothes, privacy, phones, and friends!!!

The older they get the harder it seems for them to get along..

I remember those days with my older sister.

All I wanted was to be her best friend. I wanted to follow her around, be friends with all her friends, wear her clothes and  listen to all the same music.

She wasn’t as excited about this as I was though.

And so two decade later the same cycle continues.

When my girls are bickering I will often say in a very sarcastic tone “Can you feel the love?!!” 

So on this particular day I was rather surprised to hear that my daughter told her big sister how pretty she thought she looked.

It warmed my little Mom Heart.

But then guess what happened? 

Big sister didn’t respond the way little sister thought she should.

Instead, the compliment was apparently just sloughed off, not important, ignored.

Sad? 

Well yes it sure was for little sister.

Then sad turned to anger.

 She expressed her thoughts to me about this encounter. 

She said “What’s the point of being nice to people if they aren’t going to be nice back? 

To which I responded

“Well, what do you think the point is?”

“There is no point, so I’m not going to be nice ever again.” Came the response.

And cue the lesson that applies to us all.

Being nice to people should never be a way to manipulate how they will show up for us. 

Being kind and showing love is something we should want to do because of how  it makes us feel.

When we are kind and love others no matter what they do, say or what they don’t do, WE are the ones that benefit from it.

Perhaps you are thinking “But Laura, you don’t understand, let me tell you what they did…they don’t deserve my kindness.”

And here’s what I say to that.

 YOU deserve kindness.

And being kind to you means choosing love anyways because love and kindness always feels better then resentment, anger, bitterness or holding a grudge.

We overlook this because we are relying on others to be kind to us. We have expectations of how we think they should show up.

In our house this concept is still a work in progress and that’s ok.

We are learning that being kind to others for no other reason than to take care of our own well being and happiness is possible.

Evaluate yourself. Could you choose love and kindness for YOU more often in your life?

Let’s work together to get you the life you know you want but are telling yourself is not possible for you.

How to be more confident… yep we do that here.
How to be resilient no matter what struggle comes your way…. uh huh we work on that too.
How to be less grumpy with your kids. You got it.
Managing your time to work for you instead of you working around your time.. this is HUGE for working moms.

It’s all included in my program.

If you are thinking that you could benefit from any of the above in your life, 
Book your FREE 50 min coaching session/consult BELOW

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Water slides

A few years ago we were on a family vacation. There was a fun outdoor pool with a water-slide where we were staying.

As we all enjoyed the water and the sunshine and the slide my one daughter told my husband that she would not be going down the slide.

Like any parent would, he tried to convince her how fun it was and told her he would help her.

She was still full of fear and was adamant that she was not going to go down.  He managed to convince her to at least walk to the top and decide from there. 

Guess what, she was even more sure that this slide was not for her when she got to the top.

As promised my husband went ahead and helped her. His idea of help though was not the kind of help our daughter was expecting. His help came in the form of a gentle push.

Now, this could have not gone well… but luckily for my husband, our daughter realized that the waterslide wasn’t scary at all, and for the rest of the day she was on it non stop.

I think about this story all the time.

What are my own personal water-slides?

What are the things that I am adamant I’m not going to do because I am scared?
What am I missing out on in my life because I am not willing to step out of my comfort zone?
Why am I so unwilling sometimes to allow fear and do the hard thing anyway?
What level of happiness could I be experiencing right now if I wasn’t so afraid of feeling uncomfortable emotions?

I think fear can either motivate us or keep us stuck.

When it’s the latter we will often believe that stuck is our only option because it feels easier.

For my clients fear often looks like:

Fear of trusting in themselves to be able to change
Fear of screwing up their kids
Fear of making the wrong decision
Fear of hurting someone else’s feelings
Fear of being honest and actually saying what they think
Fear of what others are thinking or what they will think
Fear of someone not liking them
Fear that nothing is going to change or that everything is going to change
Fear about what their future will hold if they don’t change

If you can relate to any of these fears I want you to ask yourself two questions

1) Is allowing the fear to take control of your life working well for you?

2) How willing are you to feel fear?

In our house, we now have a little running joke about waterslides. In fact on the first day of school when my kids were feeling anxious all I had to say is “It’s a waterslide.”
When they are complaining about a new food we are trying all we have to say was “It’s a water slide”

So for you, the next time you are feeling some fear or anxiety about something, I want you to try telling yourself “It’s a water slide.” 

Can you do the thing despite your fear?

The more you practice fear the less you will want to run away from it.

 

 

 

How could your life benefit from a gentle little push towards the things that are holding you back? 
Do you want to stop letting fear and anxiety control your life?

If so, don’t live another overwhelming week trying to handle it all.
Stop telling yourself everything is fine. 

If you aren’t fine, relief is available.

I help busy working moms start living happier healthier lives. You can live a life that is not controlled by anxiety or overwhelm.

Let me show you how on a FREE coaching session/consult.

Sessions are 50 minutes long and they are all about helping you feel better. 

If you are ready to start feeling better click below

I took all the FUN out of it…..

On numerous occasions this summer my daughter told me “Mom, you are taking all the fun out of this.” 

On one of these occasions I was leading a bike ride and instead of heading in the direction that had the really nice long decline to ride down, I told everyone to follow me because we were going to go a different way that had more of an incline.

My daughter was quite certain that the bike ride I was taking her on was no longer FUN and she let me know it!

I see where she was coming from, inclines are hard work. They are not my favorite either, but I knew that at the end of the incline we would find a river and a forest pathway and an amazing view that we would not have experienced had we gone the way she had wanted to go.

When my kids tell me I’m not being fun, or I’m making things no fun, or that I’m taking all the fun out of something I love to remind them that nothing is fun. We make things FUN.

If there was a proven Fun list it would mean that everyone on the planet would agree that skydiving and puzzles and baking were fun. But just because one person had fun doing one or all of these things once doesn’t mean it’s going to be fun for everyone.

Have you ever been doing something that has been fun in the past but this time it’s anything but fun?

This is evidence in itself that the thing was and never will be fun but you just made it fun.

Depending on what the thing is our brains decide pretty fast whether we think something is fun or not.

There are many things as a Mom over the years that I decided were no fun and as a result I showed up in a pretty miserable way.

This made fun next to impossible but only because I had decided it.

I love having FUN and it’s so empowering to know that when I am having FUN I am creating it. 

Likewise when I am not having fun that is also created by me.

This means that FUN is always available to me and I could choose to create more of it if I wanted to.

You can’t take the fun out of anything but you can make anything fun.

How would your life change if you could have 10% more fun everyday?

I help busy mom’s start living happier healthier lives. Having more fun is just one of the byproducts of getting rid of the overwhelm and guilt that is burning so many working Mom’s out.

Get started today by signing up for a free coaching consult session.

Let me show you how to start living the life you want without feeling frustrated, on edge and frazzled all the time.

Doesn’t having more fun sound FUN? It might not if you don’t know what Fun is anymore.  In this case, then I can’t wait to show you what is possible for YOU.. yes, even YOU.

Click below to book your free 50 min session today

I’m not excited…..

It’s back to school time.

My kids are all set, they’ve got their supplies, new clothes and they are excited to see all the missed faces after the extended 5 month summer.

But me, I’m not excited.

Maybe this isn’t a big deal but compared to my normal it’s a bit off putting for me.

I usually love the approach of fall. The new season, the fresh start. Back to school and back to sturdier schedules and routine. 

So why do I feel so different this year?

Why does excitement feel impossible.

After some reflection I came up with some answers to this why.

This year I am not as willing to allow myself excitement.

Why should I?

Masks aren’t exciting,

The prospect of possible closures or back to online school is even less exciting.

The unknowns of how the fall will ultimately unfold is more stressful than exciting.

Constant hand washing/sanitizing  and having to worry walking down the store aisles in the right direction…. not exciting.

Feeling excitement at a time like this feels so wrong, when there is so much evidence proving to me that I should be worried, scared and overwhelmed with these current circumstances and the unknown.

But the thing is… I actually love feeling excited. I want to feel it. 

So why am I denying myself of feeling it.

This is such a good question.

An even better answer is that nothing or nobody is stopping me from being excited but me.

Excitement in my life will serve me far better than none at all and I can choose it no matter what is going on with school.

To help me on my quest to find that excitement, I come to you with my list of thoughts that are helping me create it.

  • We are living through some history that is going to be talked about for years to come. 
  • My family and I are learning skills we wouldn’t otherwise have to as we adapt to life changes.
  • Not knowing what is going to happen in the future means that anything is possible, even our wildest dreams.
  • I love the color changes we see in Fall. 
  • I have 4 whole months left in 2020 to make some amazing changes to me.
  • Things that are happening or will happen are always happening FOR me.
  • I don’t have to be excited, I want to be.
  • I might get one non interrupted work day! Woohoo.. (So exiciting!)
  • If not… I can totally do online school with the kids because I’ve already done it once.

I challenge you to come up with your own list, or even one thought that creates some excitement.

Why should you??

Because excitement is fun and we could all use just a pinch more fun these days.

 

Want to feel excited but just don’t believe it’s an option for you?

One free coaching/consult session can change everything.

Let me show you how any emotion is completely possible

or, even better…

Let me show you how your negative emotions don’t have to be the only possibility for you.

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Stages and Phases

This summer while on a holiday at our family cabin we decided to spend the afternoon down by the lake. 

While looking ahead to find an empty spot to set up camp on the beach, we passed two families with very young children. 

There was a toddler on a potty completely naked reading a story. There was a baby wrapped in a mothers arms. There were strollers and blankets and lots of stuff strewn all over the beach around them. There were temper tantrums and a cooler with a days worth of snacks. 

I turned to my husband after we were settled and expressed my gratitude for the stage we are finally at with our kids. My youngest is 5. They are all so much more independent than they used to be. I can now actually read a book if I want to when on holiday. 

In that moment I caught myself thinking that the stage I am at is way better than the stage they are at.

And then I came back down to earth and reminded myself of what I recently have come to know as the actual truth.  
HERE is never better than THERE. It’s just different.

Since discovering this, I waste a lot less time on thoughts like:

“I can’t wait for no more diapers.”
“Life is going to be so much easier when they are all in school all day.”
“I can’t wait for when my oldest can drive so I can have more time.”
“I will be a lot less grumpy when they are all sleeping through the night.”

Not getting myself all caught up here gives me more time to be present in the now and actually enjoy being a mom. 

Sure now there are no more diapers, or accidents. There isn’t as much stuff to lug around or prepare. There isn’t as much constant supervision, but being right where I am now has its struggles too. 

The kids still fight, they steal each others clothes. I expect more of them and as a result am disappointed sometimes. They take up more space, eat more, want to stay up a lot later. They want more from me in the way of rides and sleepovers and help with their crazy ideas. 

I could very easily convince myself that there was better than here couldn’t I? 

I want to be someone who tries my best to embrace where I am right NOW because no matter what stage or phase of life I’m in whether I’m HERE or THERE it is and was and always will be 50/50. 

If you are ready to embrace the stage you are currently at in your life, then coaching is the best way to do it. 

If you want to stop waiting for the next stage so that you can finally be happy then let me show you how you can do that right now, no next stage required.

If you are constantly suffering and don’t have a balance between good days and bad days I want you to know:

1) I’ve been there, you are not alone.
2) Relief is available. I can show you how to balance the scale and be 50% happier in your life.
3) If I can do it anyone can do it.

Book a Free 50 min consult/coaching session with me today and let’s get started.
I can’t wait to meet you.

What is wrong with me?

Sometimes my clients come to me feeling a lot of shame.

Shame because they think they need fixing

Shame because of some of their thoughts and feelings

Shame that they are failing

Shame that they aren’t happier when they should be

Shame that they aren’t perfect and make mistakes.

You can take out the shame and replace it with any emotion. Guilt, fear, defeat, frustration or whatever it is for you today.

Whatever the feeling I always remind my clients that their emotions are not just happening to them because they are doing something wrong in their life.

Our thinking is what creates our feelings and thinking is NOT wrong!

We have a thought and that thought illicit’s a certain emotion or vibration in our body when we think it.

THAT’S IT!

I like to point this out because it takes the blame away from ourselves. 

When you are feeling negative emotions it’s not because anything is wrong with you.

Our negative emotions are only affecting us because we are human.

No one gets to experience this life without them.

It’s actually all going RIGHT.

When I separate my feelings from me as an individual and see them as a vibration created by my thoughts I don’t feel so trapped by them.

I don’t define myself and my life by my feelings anymore.

I live knowing that an awesome life can be created despite them.

 

 

 

Wishing and hoping

Do you have hopes and dreams? Things you want to see or do before you die, goals you want to accomplish. Milestones you are working towards?

I know I do. 

I want to have chickens one day,

and a boat on a lake,

and there’s this person I dream about being one day too; my future self.

Having and knowing your goals and dreams for your future is the first step in achieving them so If you’ve got this part figured out celebrate it.

If you don’t yet, this is great news because this part is so fun.

There is a whole world of possibilities, and nothing really (other than you) to stop you from getting busy planning what you want yours to look like.

Step 2 is a little more work, it’s where we actually take our dreams and goals and start to put them into action.

It’s not going to be enough to just wish and hope that these dreams will come true.

Results are a direct reflection of our actions.

Sometimes I wish that my kids will just magically raise themselves into amazing humans who listen all the time and pick up after themselves. 

Still waiting for that to happen, so instead, I can take action, I can teach, love, and be an example.

Sometimes I hope that my next client will just appear out of nowhere, no effort required.

This has seemingly happened to me before, but only because I had forgotten about all the work and effort in the past that created momentum in my business.

So, I can continue to show up, share my messages, and serve my people.

Sometimes I wish that I could wake up feeling confident and happy every day without any of the negative stuff,

But then I remind myself that that isn’t real life. That is only possible in the movies. 

So instead, I can choose to be intentional, focus on my self-awareness, and pay attention to my thinking daily.

Dreams are just dreams without goals and goals are just good intentions without actions.

What have you done today to get you closer to the life you want to be living?

PS: Anyone else picturing the opening scene from My best friend’s wedding “Wishing and Hoping” Ani DiFranco. This song may or my not get stuck in your head. Your welcome!

 Are you trying to wish and hope into your future life? 

Do you want to start taking your future self a little bit more seriously?

What will it cost you if you continue to put your future off?

Let’s explore all of these questions together on a free Coaching Consult call.

Free Consult calls with me are 50 minutes long and they are the perfect way to jump start your life and get the momentum rolling from stuck to Start.

What are you waiting for?

A love letter to all the moms

I was driving my husband’s car the other day. It’s new and I don’t drive it often so I don’t really have all the controls figured out.

He had been listening to AM radio and I was trying to figure out how to get some music on as I drove… I was definitely practicing some distracted driving.

I finally stumbled on an FM radio station after pressing every icon on the screen. The station happened to be country.

Country music is not my first choice, but it was better than talk radio or being distracted from driving any longer so I settled with it.

As I ran my errands and made my way back home a song came on. 

It said something to the effect of “Most moms should be considered saints.”

I thought to myself “Huh…. yeah most moms SHOULD be considered saints”.

Then my brain was on fire with all the reasons why…..

And I should say, many of these are reasons that we choose to discard, forget or downplay on the regular.

Dear Mom,

The next time you are feeling inadequate, defeated, or insecure I want you to remember one or more of these amazing accomplishments that apply to you:

  • If you are a Mom from natural childbirth, you grew a human. Maybe even two or three or more. That in itself and the many sacrifices you endured during pregnancy are so remarkable. 
  • Let’s talk birth ladies. That baby has to come out eventually and that job is no picnic.  You did that. 
  • The packing, the planning, the scheduling, the doctor visits, the laundry, the vomit, the other messes that children make. You have done it all and many times you’ve done it sleep- deprived.
  • You ensure that your family gets fed and that their basic needs are cared for in some way or another.. even if it’s a drive-through. Celebrate the thankless parts of motherhood.
  • You love them fiercely even when they give you every reason not to. 
  • You love them fiercely regardless of whether you are their primary caregiver.
  • You are cook, maid, taxi-driver, cruise director, art and crafts specialist, confidante, police officer, worrywart, nurse, teacher… the list could literally go on and on. 
  • You have a side hustle or a full-time second job other than mom outside of the home. This is not small stuff.
  • You are a mom who actively pursues opportunities to better yourself, learn, and show up. If this wasn’t true you wouldn’t be reading this message.

I am not at all saying that we walk around acting like we are somehow superior or better than others because we can tick these boxes.

What I want to shed some light on is the truth that we inadvertently punch ourselves in the face when we are discounting all the amazing things we HAVE accomplished, withstood and sacrificed as a mom.

Any of these things are worth feeling confident, secure and so darn accomplished about.

Allow yourself to see you through different eyes.

Because YOU are a saint.

If I believe it about you, then there’s nothing that says you can’t too.

Trading in my negativity

This week I had an Ah-ha moment.

I have these often when I am in a coaching session. A hidden piece of my mind becomes exposed and magnified so I can’t help but see it.

I realized that in one of my relationships I was lost in negative land and it was almost to the point of no return.

I had convinced myself that anything positive really did not or could not exist where this person was concerned.

I was gently reminded that everything in life is 50/50.

 I felt like I was experiencing more of a 90/10 situation.  I was unable or closed off to seeing or looking for anything positive.

What we look for we find, and I was only looking for negative.

Here’s the thing that stung me…

Just because I couldn’t see the positives did not mean there wasn’t any, they were there all along and I just couldn’t or wouldn’t see them.

Allowing myself to see the positive side does not mean that I surrender to negative behavior or forget about boundaries, it just means that I get to live with a lot less negativity and I create a lot less resistance in my relationship. 

In short, I get to feel the effects of having more positivity and an all-access pass to the beauty of a true 50/50 life.

The good with the bad
The pleasure with the pain
The positive with the negative.

To my surprise and pleasure trading in my negativity has led to more love, acceptance, and patience.

Looking for the positives has been magical. When you look you find. 
I am finding 50% more!

You can too.

My love-hate relationship with Band-Aids

There have never been FUN band-aids at my house.

When at the drug store my kids oogle over the endless selection on the shelves.

Paw Patrol, Spiderman, Barbie, Hello Kitty and these are just a few. If your kids watch it on Netlfix, you bet you can get it on a band aid.

In my experience with children I have found that fun band-aids, increase the probability that I will have to deal with pretend injuries.

Pretend injuries can end up costing as much as diapers if you aren’t careful!! (Well not really, but I have 4 kids so that’s a lot of band-aids.)

I have also found that band-aids are like the weather where I live… Changing it’s mind ten times a day. It’s rainy and then sunny and then thundering and then sunny and then hailing and then snowing.. all in one day.

This is just like kids. They get an owie, they need a band-aid. Then 20 minutes later it’s all better and the band-aid is off and I find it stuck to the carpet. An hour later the owie is back with a vengeance and they need another band-aid.

Sound familiar??

Call me a mean mom if you want, but there are strict rules for acquiring a band-aid in my house, and our band-aids are the boring ole’ really sticky kind!!

If there is a lot of blood involved, then you might qualify.

If there is a deep paper cut on an important finger then this also may qualify.

I do believe that band-aids serve an amazing purpose. They are an amazing tool to help our bodies deal with a cut or a scrape.

They protect our skin by preventing infection.

Throughout our lives I think it’s safe to say that we all use band-aids.

Perhaps the sticky kind but I also want you to consider when and how you are opting for the ‘FUN’ Band-Aids in your life.

Shopping might be a band-aid for feeling bored or lonely.

Eating might be a band aid for stress or to escape shame.

Yelling or anger might be a band-aid for underlying pain or trauma.

Hiding in your room watching Netflix all day might be a band-aid for failure.

These band-aids don’t hold up, they fall off and they lose their effect so quickly.

At times these quick fixes are exactly what we need, just like protecting a cut or a scrape so it can heal. We might just need a night to ourselves to watch Netflix as a reset or a way to unwind, protecting ourselves from overwhelm or burnout.

But, what I see most often are band-aids that are being used to cover up a more serious ailment that we want to avoid dealing with.

It’s the boredom, the shame, the trauma and the fails that need to be addressed.

The yelling, the eating, the hiding and the shopping are all just the symptoms or side effects.

For all my real life ailments I have an amazing Doctor.

For all the other symptoms going on in my life I have an amazing life coach.

My life coach helps me to uncover my band-aids, because most of the time I don’t even realize they are there. 

She accepts me with open arms just as I am every week. I know that I can live a good life with the band-aids.

But when I am ready to find them and pull them off, she is right there to support me in my desire to change and become an even better me.

Do you have a life coach?

I would be honored to be yours.

 

Ready to find HAPPY? 
Ready to feel motivated and excited about your life again?
 As moms, we have a lot on our minds and on our plates. This is what makes change seem so impossible right?.

We don’t think we have time, and we don’t believe in ourselves enough to be able to make lasting change.

I’ve got a solution for both.

1) You do have the time, you just have to be intentional with it. One hour a week for 8-weeks is all it takes. You CAN sacrifice one hour of Netflix a week to focus on YOU and your overall health. 

 2) This belief in yourself stuff is a serious business. It’s a huge factor in the decisions we make and in creating effective change in our lives. What if I told you that all you needed right now was just a tiny little bit of belief that you CAN create change.

 I promise you that is enough. Do you know why?
Because I have enough belief in you until you are able
to find your own.

I’ve got you. You are not alone, and this certainly isn’t as good as it gets. 
Relief is available.

Click below to book a free mini-session to learn more and get all your questions answered. ( I know you have some)