There are a couple of things that I used to think were universal truths
You don’t litter (Who does that?) And you don’t lie.
I have come to the conclusion with much more life experience under my belt, that I was highly misinformed in both of these beliefs.
Firstly, people DO litter. I know because I see it all the time.
Secondly, people DO lie. SPOILER ALERT: Even I lie sometimes.
Growing up, I was an open book. I couldn’t get anything past my parents even if I tried. Lying was not something that came naturally to me… Or was it???
I used to believe that when people asked me my opinion or how I felt about something it was best to just keep it to myself in case it might offend or ruffle anyone’s feathers.
Interesting now that I look at it because this in itself is a lie. To me, at the time these lies seemed necessary in order to be a kind and loving person.
Why do we do this? Why do we hesitate to be honest about what we are really thinking? Why are we dishonest to others about what we really want? Why can’t we string these two little letters together N-O and let them roll off our lips?
The one and the only reason that we do things or not do things are because of how we think it will make us feel. When we are people-pleasing we are trying to avoid feeling a negative emotion.
Our brain tells us that if we tell the truth then maybe it will mean having to face someone being mad at us. Maybe it will mean confrontation or guilt.
At the moment being dishonest to ourselves and even justifying it as the better kinder choice seems so much safer and comfortable.
But here’s what we don’t realize in those moments when we skirt around the truth or take on too much because we can’t say no…
It might be more comfortable in the moment, but in the long run, having a relationship with someone who has no idea what our true thoughts or feelings are is exhausting. Living in resentment because you are doing something that you don’t have the time for is all-consuming. Hiding or tiptoeing around people is not super fun either. All of these “Kinder” choices are pretty uncomfortable, aren’t they?
When we are people-pleasing we are trying to control someone else’s emotions.
I have tried really hard, but have yet to figure out how to attain this superpower.
Here’s the kicker….we can choose to do the tip toe-dance or even spend time doing the thing for someone else that we don’t even have time for and then still have them be mad at us for whatever reason they come up within their own brain. We don’t have the power to stop anyone from thinking exactly what THEY choose to.
People-pleasing might seem like the kinder road, but over the long term, KINDER is actually being truly honest with yourself and others. Honest IS love.
Kindness is showing up as your true authentic self.
Now that’s pretty PLEASING!
If you are ready to stop people pleasing I can help.
